Holding Pattern
Holding Pattern is a series of small-format ink drawings created before, during, and after the death of my father. These works became a way to hold what was unraveling—each mark a response to waiting, witnessing, and the quiet ache of anticipatory grief.
Drawn on 6x6 archival tiles, the series uses repetition, breath, and rhythm to navigate suspended time. Line becomes a kind of pulse: circling presence, distance, and the moment when everything stops.
What began as a daily ritual turned into a visual record of the liminal space between life and loss. The series closes with Ghosts in the Afterlife, completed in the silence that followed his aquamation.
(2024-2025)
Finding My Way - The first drawing in the series. It was created while I was trying to locate a rhythm that didn’t hurt. Each diagonal mark was a quiet attempt at order, a personal metronome in the disorientation of early grief.
Staying Calm - Drawn in the thick of caregiving, when I was trying to be steady for everyone else. The layered blue lines are a held breath, me trying to show grace while unraveling inside.
A Walk in the Woods - This was the height of our unspoken understanding. I felt like we were walking side by side—imperfect, but in rhythm. The layered paths reflect a rare moment of balance before everything broke open.
Tense? - The moment I saw the slope beneath me—when calm started to tighten into something sharper. I was still holding it together, but the pressure had started. This is the beginning of knowing what’s coming and not being able to stop it.
Ascension - This is the rise. The moment I felt him begin to leave, grief and grace braided together. Every line is a quiet recognition of his elevation, and my role in letting go.
Making Sense of It All - The hours right after—full of noise, forms, faces, and decisions. My body was moving faster than my heart could keep up. This drawing holds that rush of complexity, when everything had changed but nothing had stopped.
Navigating the Elements - In the days that followed, I was part administrator, part mourner. Each task required precision, and each moment demanded presence. This piece maps the tangle of grief and duty—what it means to keep moving while holding the weight.
Ghosts in the Afterlife - The final piece in the series. A soft farewell wrapped in pale blue. He is gone—and I remain—but not alone. This drawing holds the quiet grace of acceptance and the echoes I now carry forward.